Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Sweet Dreams are Made of This???

I have been reading Ezekiel lately and thinking about God's interaction with His people throughout the Old and New Testament. Many of the times when God had a message for a specific person He sent it to them in a dream. Reading the beginning of Ezekiel and his extremely strange visual encounter with the glory of God I can't help but think that he must have been dreaming. I know it doesn't say he was...so maybe he wasn't...but either way I can't help but wonder if God is sometimes trying to reach me in my dreams.

But then I begin to think about my dreams...and wow, are they ever weird. If He's trying to speak to me...I am totally missing the point. Last night I had a very elaborate dream that was basically centered around the idea of me being late to write a Branscombe Exam. Hmm, when I think about Branscombe (and the fact that he is not always known for his grace) I start to think maybe this was more of a nightmare.

In other news...music categories really confuse me sometimes. I mean what does a "Experimental, Surf Rock, Post Hardcore" band sound like exactly?

I'm also sitting here wondering about the first staplers. I wonder if they were some big elaborate machines? We have come so far...and yet we still can't even figure out how to make oranges grow without peels. Sad really.

Rainman

Monday, January 30, 2006

High-bernation

Stephanie has brought up some good questions about hibernation, and I want to take a few seconds to respond to them.

First of all...this whole business of work and money. You see the big problem we have is that our paradigms are stuck in the non-hibernation world that we live in now. Obviously for a system like this to truly work alot of changes have to be made. This means massive economically changes as well which would ensure that people would not have to worry about work or money during the hibernation period. In fact, as I mentioned before, one of the great advantages of this plan is slowing down population growth and conservation of resources...both of these should help to contribute to a more stable enconomy and less poverty.

As for the drug issue...this shouldn't be a problem...people will already be hooked up to a 3 month supply of food and can also be hooked up to whatever medication they may need. In fact, it is my hope that this rest will allow the body to naturally ward off many difficult illnesses that people now battle.

In other news....
Someone should design a car that runs on CO2. It makes sense...this whole expensive gas thing is stupid and killing our enviroment. I'm all for killing, but I hate having to pay so much to do so. Give me a car that runs on free, enviromentally safe fuel and I will still go out and beat up trees and kick small animals to make "the man" happy.

Rainman

P.S. - I don't actually hate the enviroment.

P.P.S- I do however like to lie.

P.P.P.S. - Although I always tell the truth.

P.P.P (Well, alot of P's) S. - Don't trust him

Friday, January 27, 2006

Sleep Sells, But Whose Buying...

%*@#!&^T!#$@#$)@#$!"&*! UNHIBERNATERS! They're ALWAYS ruining everything! (Oh, and I couldn't decide on what swear word best represented my feelings towards the unhibernaters, so I put in enough symbols for you to fill in the space with pretty much any swear word you can think of).

Okay...first to deal with the problem of the unhibernaters I have devised a revised edition of my Hibernation Theory. The solution: 2 Shifts.

Basically we would be awake for about 9 months and sleep for 3. Shift 1 would be awake from Jan - September 1, then sleep for September - December 31. Shift 2 woud be awake from September - May.

It's not idea...especially for shift 2 and the benefits would be slightly less, but I think it's worth it still.

Or solution 2: MASSIVE SECURITY. Basically everything would be locked down during the hibernation period, and people would be locked into their houses. When the approriate time comes to awaken, the time locks would release.

You know...this could make for an interesting movie.

Okay, problem 2...Sex -vs- Food. First of all, let me just say that I think people would find their sex lives much more rewarding (And likely they would be lengthened in marriages) because of the periods of celebacy during hibernation. Also we could have scientists come up with some equation to calculate the amount of Taco Bell one must consume to outway their desires...it would look something like this:

(flavor + substance) * quantity
------------------------------- = enjoyment
(frequency * duration)/ quality

Hmmm....I'm pretty sure I just crossed some sort of a line.


Oh, I also learned today that snakes only eat about once a month....and can go for about 10 months without eating at all if they need to. Perhaps this can some how be of use in our hibernating process. Maybe we can add snake DNA and become some new hybrid. Hmm, reminds me of GI Joe.

Rainman

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

My cure to the problems of the world...

Okay...I was sitting here MSNing...or whatever you call it, when I realized that I am REALLY tired. I mean REALLY REALLY tired. So tired that right now I feel like I could sleep for about a week. And that's when it hit me....hibernation. Mabye bears have had the solution to many of the world's problems all this time. Imagine the benefits:

- We would feel more rested once we are finished hibernating.
- This could potentially mean we could work harder, longer during the time that we are not hibernating.
- Conservation: We wouldn't be using as much gas, food, etc....
- Our lives would likely seem more exciting during the "wake" period.
- Over-Populating would probably cease, because people wouldn't be having as much sex and therefore less offspring.

I'm sure the benefits are endless....in fact, Jon's bed is looking comfy...I'm off to hibernate.

Rainman

Science, where are you?

I'm sitting here at Massie's computer, staring at an orange and an apple that have been left on his desk...and I can't help but wonder something:

What's with the peel?

Don't get me wrong, I love oranges, especially clementines, but I hate the effort I have to put forth to eat one. All that peeling and the mess it creates....not to mention the fact that I can never seem to completely separate the peel from the orange without living some of those white stringy things behind.

So I gotta ask: Why hasn't science overcome this? Why haven't they genetically engineered some kind of super orange that grows sans peel? And don't try to tell me that they can't. They have figured out how to make MASSIVE pumpkins, invincible corn, and clone (so they have claimed) sheep and dogs. Surely they can do something as simple as this.

Come on science...time to pull up the sleeves and get to it! Until then I will have to settle for only eating oranges when someone else is around to peel them for me.

Rainman

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

The Origin of Chortle

IT IS A WORD!

I decided to take some initiative, which is odd for me, and look up the word "chortle" or dictionary.com. To my great joy, I discovered that it is in fact a word. Actually it's a combination of two words: "chuckle" and "snort".

The official definition is "a snorting, joyful laugh or chuckle".

Apparently it was "invented" by Lewis Carrol and used for the first time in his 1872 classic, "Through the Looking Glass". Go figure.

Anyway, this got me thinking...we could invent some of our own words by simply "blending" them together. So let's make a list:

- canonball = canon + ball.
- icecream = ice + cream.

Wait a second...I suck at this.

Rainman

Monday, January 23, 2006

Things I Learned Today Strikes Back!

Well, it's occured to me that I actually have nothing useful to contribute to society or the internet, so here's another useless list...because like my Dad always says, "If you can't can't write something worthwhile, write something totally useless and waste everyone's time by forcing them to read it" (Except replace "my Dad" with "some guy who probably doesn't exist".

1. I have absolutely no concept of the proper order in which the Star Wars movies came out...Hence I titled this post "Theings I Learned Today Strikes Back!" after "The Empire Strikes Back", however this post is the third installment of "Things I Learned Today", while "The Empire Strikes Back" was (to my knowledge) the second Star Wars movie to be made. (Also I think it was Episode 5). Anyway, I hope that doesn't completely alienate all of you Star Wars fans out there. Hey here's a question: If Star Trek fans are called Trekkies, what are Star Wars fans called?

2. Classes are just as boring with "Special Speakers" as they are with the old run-of-the-mill teachers.

3. Tom Hanks was involved in the TV Series "Band of Brothers". I have no idea as to the capacity of his involvement...although I'm assuming it was co-director...but basically that makes yet another thing Tom Hanks has done that I have not. For those of you keeping tally , the current total is Tom Hanks = 138,574 -vs- Paul = 2.

4. Making fun of Jon and his pathetic internet is only funny until you have to use it.

5. According to Josh (and his extensive research) there are currently no plans to make a Trans-Atlantic bridge from North America to Europe. So...this could be a real opportunity for any engineers out there. (BTW Josh, your plans made me chortle)

6. Neither Chris or I have any real clue as to how to spell "chortle"...in fact, Chris has never heard the word before. I was under the impression that it was a type of mild laughter, but maybe it isn't actually a word.

7. Okay, I didn't learn this today...but being at number 7 just made me wonder about something: Why do we associate 7 with being a lucky number? Is there any sort of historical reason for this?

8. The Chinese have a character for the word "Smorking" which isn't actually a word (At least to my knowledge).

9. Combining Pink and Green seems to be very popular right now.

10. You rarely get a job if you fail to give the employer your application. (This is a special note for Jon, since he has had an application for Ultramar on his desk now for over 2 weeks).

Well, there you have it...as you can see I am wasting my tuition...since very little of this was actually learned in the classroom.

Rainman

Friday, January 20, 2006

Things I learned today, Part Deux

Today was a big day for me...maybe I can even make it to ten:

1. Remember that guy when you were little that always claimed that "you missed" when you were playing guns in your backyard? I now realize the solution to the problem...use real guns.

2. Skee-Lo still rules. I also wish I was a little bit taller. Clearly his one hit is a timeless classic.

3. There will be various "rewards" in heaven, and Chris Massie will get ice cream.

4. Dr. Gavel is opposed to words under three syllables.

5. I'm not gifted in the ways of spelling, and thus am not certain if the word "syllables" is actually spelled correctly in #4.

6. Hearing people talk in their sleep can provide countless seconds of enjoyment until they begin muttering, "Dead, dead, all of them! I'm going to kill them ALL!"

7. Yes Rob, I do want you to come visit and stay over at our place. (I realize this has nothing to do with "Things I learned today" but I needed to fit it in there somewhere.

8. People who claim that "everything is more fun when you are high" clearly have not considered falling. Falling is definitely much less fun when you are high. Example: Falling off the CN Tower...that wouldn't be fun at all. In fact I think it would be quite painful. Although someone told me yesterday that cats have a lower and terminal velocity and therefore can survive a fall from great heights. (This has never been tested due to animal cruelty regulations). So maybe if you were a cat, falling could be more fun when you are high.

9. Sleeping is an extremely effective cure for fatigue...going to class is not.

10. Scientists suggest that your brain wakes up from sleep in stages. Therefore when you first get out of bed, your brain is not fully active for awhile. Although I actually learned this the other day, I can't help but think that maybe I shouldn't be commuting to school in the morning. Some days I arrive here and can't remember actually driving here. You should all be very scared.

There you have it. These are the things that I learned today. My Grandmother claims that "you learn something new everyday". Today I have proved her right. She doesn't have the internet, but if she did...I bet she would be proud right now. Actually she would probably be confused and driving some poor technical support worker crazy as she tried to figure out how to use the internet, but yeah....

Rainman

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Things I learned today...

1. McDonald's now serves Breakfast and Supper....they are confused by this new concept called lunch.

2. Jon's bed is evil. Actually it is alot like sin...it looks good, it feels good, and once you are lying in it, you can't get out on your own.

3. I am an idiot...as pointed out by Matthew who caught my error in the last post. I meant to say Jessica Simpson, not Jennifer.

4. Jon is going to be dead by this afternoon because he is single handedly taking on the internet, which is obviously a losing battle.

5. Feminine men make better husbands...so with the legalization of gay marriages we should see a rapid decrease in the divorce rate.

6. Nerf guns CAN hurt. Proximity is the key.

7. Chris Massie has no concept of what the word "rhyme" means.

8. I did not learn 10 things today...unfortunately the list has to end here.

I'm not exactly sure where this came from, but I hate making lists that are less than or greater than 10 items. It's really a struggle of mine.

Rainman

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

People are so predictable...

Okay, time for a quick rant:

Why do we get SO stuck on the little things sometimes? Life (at least this life) is too short and the mission too great for us to be lost in our own selfish desires and stuck in our petty strongholds.

I realize that makes very little sense, since I'm not going to actually refer to what brought that up, but I will say this...if I get stuck on something stupid, PLEASE KICK ME!

Now back to our regularly scheduled program:

Renata and I watched "War of the Worlds" yesterday...not bad. It didn't blow me away, but it did entertain me. (Of course that isn't really all that hard to do).

I'm bored with music these days...not playing it...but just with what is out there. It's not that people aren't making good music these days, just that at the moment I'm finding most of it to be the same old thing. Right now I'm surfing purevolume.com in hopes of finding something that will spark my interest, but so far...no luck. Am I missing something? What are you guys listening to?

Oh no...I feel another rant coming on....
I'm SO tired of these mainstream musicians and there "sex sells" mentality. I'm sure it does, but whatever happened to letting talent and creativity do the work? Anyone can make a music video with half naked women grinding anything that comes within six feet of them. Honestly... I am not even sickened by pop music...heck, one of my secret loves (Musically that is) is Mariah Carey. I have no idea why I like her songs, but all I know is that any time I see her on T.V. I just want to offer her a housecoat.

So to sum it up: Britney Spears, Christina Aquilera, Jennifer and Ashley Simpson, and all the other female musicians out there that are on the sex sells train should be put back in a bottle and never "rubbed the right way". Of course that's just my opinion.

And don't even get me started about 50 Cent and the current rap/hip hop scene...

Wow...I'm getting bitter in my old age. Could this be a stronghold lol.

Rainman

Friday, January 13, 2006

Holiness, Shmoliness...

Okay, as a diclaimer I should mention that I am VERY tired right now...so this may not make sense. It also may explain my current frustration...

It bothers me that people in my Doctrine of Holiness class aren't willing to hear out Dr. Gavel with open minds. Whether you agree with the doctrine or not initially, I still feel you should hear his views on it and then make an informed decision. Maybe even after hearing what he has to say you may still feel just as strongly that it is impossible to achieve holiness in this life...but I think we all owe it to ourselves to approach something like this without our biases getting in the way.

Afterall...agree or disagree, God has said "Be holy, because I am holy." If you disagree with the doctrine of holiness, then you need to find some way to explain way God commands us to be holy. Seems like a jerkish thing to do if it isn't possible.

Anyway...that's not as humourous as usual, I know, but then again there is a time to laugh and a time to cry...right now feels like a time to sleep...

Rainman

Thursday, January 12, 2006

A Day in the Sun...

is something I might be enjoying if there was even the slightest hint of sunshine out there. However, I've come to accept that sunshine and Saint John seldom go hand in hand. Nevertheless today is my day off...and wow am I thankful for that!

My plans for the day include the following...

1. Discovering the secret of cold fusion. (How hard can it be if Elizabeth Shue managed to do it in "The Saint"?)

2. Mastering time travel. (Notice I said "mastering" which suggests that I already have the ability...For all you know I'm actually from the future...or the past...or maybe even the present! Okay, in all honesty the closest I have gotten to actual time travel is going from the kitchen to my bedroom where my alarm clock is a few minutes fast.)

3. Conquering a small trailer park. (I figure if I plan to someday be the rule of Earth I should start conquering some stuff now. )

4. Inventing some sort of product which I will call "Pepis" so that I can convince Lor that it wasn't really a typo.

5. Not following through on anything I start. (This is key...because A) I really know very little about science and B) I'm lazy.

By the way, the information on Pepsi was very enlightening. Maybe that's why my parents would give me flat pepsi or coke when I was sick to my stomach. Although I'm not exactly sure why they insisted on it being flat...I mean if that was really important you would think that Brad would have originally made it that way.

Do you ever wonder where the Monkees got there name??? Sometimes I do. I mean it really is a pretty stupid name. Then again, so is the Beatles and various other band names...like Britney Spears...what a dumb name. Why would someone name their band Britney Spears? I would have chosen a better name...like Taco Belle. Yeah, that's a hit name.

All right...I think it's obvious that I have absolutely nothing to contribute to this world, so I'm off to the showers...."and in case I don't see you; Good afternoon, Good evening and Good night".

Rainman

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Hat Trick

They said it couldn't be done! Back to back to back posts. But low and behold, I've done it. Three in a row...it's a miracle...or perhaps a signal of the end of the world.

So first of all I just have to say that Matt made my day with his reply to my last post. Finally I know the story behind Scotch tape. Who would have ever thought that it really was named after the Scotish. And this got me thinking...what else are the Scots behind? People are always babbling on about the Free Masons and other such underground organizations, but could it be that they are simply distractions to keep our eyes off of the real underground power: The Scots? If they are, then I've probably already said too much...and this may be my last post ever. Or maybe by me saying that, they will be forced to spare me because if they were to have me killed then everyone would know it was all true! Of course with an organization as powerful as the Scots I'm sure they have ways of "erasing" people altogether.


In other news, today was officially the worst day (to present) for getting up. At 6:15am this morning my body was in no shape to rise out of bed and even less to get behind a wheel. I'm sorry to all those lives that I endangered by simply being on the road. This whole 8am class thing has got to stop. I mean this tyranny has gone on long enough, hasn't it? There's no need for it! The only reason it is still around, I'm guessing, is because of the Scots. They must be behind it. This is their way of ensuring that otherwise intelligent beings are reduced to caffine addicted, sleep deprived zombies. Well I say DOWN WITH THE SCOTS!

(Suddenly I have developed a great fear of the Scottish Mints my grandmother is always offering me...how do I know what's in them?)

Okay, I really have nothing else worthwhile to add to this magic creation we call the internet, so take care.

Rainman

P.S. - For anyone that may have time to kill (Matt) I would like to know where the name Pepsi came from. I mean Coke came, supposedly, from their original usage of cocaine in their cola...but what about Pepis?

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

And the song plays on...

-Day #2 of Project "Back in Class"-

Well, all I can say is that I am SO glad that I have Tuesdays and Thursdays off, because I feel like someone ran over me with a Zambonie. 6am to 9:30pm is a long day. Luckily it is filled with fun and dancing...oh no, wait that's Britney Spears' day, not mine. Mine is filled with rambling and chicken. The big question I've been asking myself is, "Can I keep this up?" Can I survive an entire semester of Mondays?

Looking on the bright side...I've come realize that there are a few benefits to having such a long day:
1. I have something to complain about. Which is always important.
2. The song "Manic Monday" suddenly has so much more meaning for me.
3. When I go crazy and kill someone I will be able to blame it on a lack of sleep.
4. I get two helpings of Gavel's rabbit trail laden lectures in one day! (Okay, maybe this belongs on a different list).
5. The possibility for smoke breaks in a 15 and half hour day are unlimited! (If only I smoked...)

Today I've also come to the conclusion that all internet search engines are against me. My personal opinion is that someone should program a search engine around my personal preferences. When you type in something it will completely ignore what you typed and instead bring up whatever my heart desires at that moment. Example:

You type: "Current Exchange Rates"
Results: www.purevolume.com

Notice that it only gives one result...that's the GREAT part about it. No more sifting through a million useless sites in search of that one good one. Now you will be given only one site...sure it may have nothing to do with what you are looking for...but that's how search engines seem to work now anyway. In this case, I have saved you the boredom of economics and led you to the joy of music.

So I hear Matt Good has a new album out. You will buy it for me!

If you are looking for something to do, I've been really curious about scotch tape lately. Why is it called scotch tape? Was it invented by a scot? Is scotch used in the making of it? I have no idea...and frankly I'm too lazy to find out for myself. That's where you come in...you will wade through the endless web and find me the results.

Well, believe it or not I actually have important things to do...so I guess I should go do them. Good luck with "The Search for Answers".

Rainman

Monday, January 09, 2006

Back in Black....well, maybe not black...but I am back.

Well, it's been a LONG time since I have updated this crazy thing, so I guess I had better post something before all of you (Like Josh) start to think I was just a figment of your imaginations. So here goes:

First off, today is my first day back in classes...
My feelings = This sucks.
I know that I should have a better attitude...perhaps I should be thankful for the structure that this wonderful institution is adding back into my life...but instead I am stuck thinking about how on earth I am going to survive getting up a 6am everyday to make the drive into Sussex for my first class. Right now I'm trying to stay motivated by reminding myself that it's only for 3 months.

In other news...
I'm still married. Sometimes I wonder how Renata can stand to put up with me...but then I am reminded that I am awesome :) Actually being married is an amazing thing...and it constantly reminds me how much I have to learn about myself and others.

There are no babies on the way...nor do I foresee any in the near future. This is for many reasons:
1. I'm really not that good looking...so I can only convince Renata to be "intimate" with me when she is drunk. (I'm just kidding...of course that was obvious to you, because we all know I am EXTREMELY good looking).

2. Babies cost money...and I am a student....nuff said.

3. Babies are painful. Or so Renata seems to think...it may take some convincing on this one for her to be okay with the idea.

4. Babies are attention grabbers...and Emma (our cat) already steals alot of Renata's attention from me...I mean do I REALLY want to bring more competition into my house.

5. Okay...time for a little more serious reason. The timing right now doesn't seem completely right. Some day I would love to have a little version of Renata or I running around (as scary as that may be for the rest of the world) but I want to make sure that we are able to give it the love, comfort and security that it needs. And right now we both know that we can't.

What else...
Well, I've decided to do my intership at Saint John First Wesleyan. It was something that Renata and I debated for many months, but we finally got our answer on Christmas Eve when God clearly informed us that His plan was for us to stay there. So, we are. We are aware that it mean some possible struggles...but in the end we know that we will only be happy following His will.

Along with that we are considering buying a small house or condo in Saint John, since it seems like a better option than simply lighting our money on fire each month (paying rent). Right now this is little more than a glimmer in our eyes, since we both know so little about that kind of stuff. Welcome to REAL world I guess.

I could probably go on and on, since it's been SO long since I posted on here....but instead I think I will end there.

Rainman