It's Official...I HATE Springing Forward

I'm not gonna lie...my internal clock is extremely confused and bewildered. In fact, I think it is blaming me for the current state that we're in. The result's been that I'm now having trouble sleeping, yet feel exhausted and WANT to sleep.

It's times like this when I realize the need for a change. Honestly, I was starting to consider removing "world domination" from my list of things to do...but I see now that I am needed more than ever. For far too long we've been at the mercy of tryants who think they can just change the time whenever they darn well please...WELL NOT ANY MORE! It's time that we showed those commie's whose boss. (I realize that they aren't actually communists, but in the eighties movies that always seems to be a powerful battle cry...so I thought it might work here). Whose with me???

In case I haven't earned your support yet, here is a small (partial) list of the changes I will impliment when I come into power:

1. NO MORE TIME CHANGES!
- I like "fall back" just as much as the next guy...but if it means having to "spring forward" then forget it. In fact...I'm sick and tired of time zones too...let's squash those. Everyone will be on one standard time....we shall call it "Who cares if it is lighter out here then it is there, we are just happy to say that it is 9pm here when it is 9pm there Time" or "Fat Tony Time" for short. (Which will be shortened further to "FTT"...and if you don't like Fat Tony will break your knee caps).
- You know what...I'm actually feeling pretty ambitious...I might try to do away with time altogether. Then when you get hired for a job they will say, "Around here, you show up when you feel like it and leave when you feel like. We don't punch clocks...cause they don't exist any more".

2. RED JELL-O FRIDAYS!
- I don't know about you, but this whole Fish on Fridays business has gone too far in my opinion. The special at McDonald's on Friday is the Fish Fillet Combo. Who wants that??? I mean that's not even a meal...it's like bait for the real meal. From now on...Friday's will be Steak day...and even McDonalds will serve steak...and if you are vegitarian...well in the words of Steve Banter "TO DANG BAD!" Oh, and every meal will be served with a free Red Jell-o....not that terrible tasting purple and orange gunk.

3. NO MORE PETTY CRIMES!
- I'm tired of tax dollars going towards drawn out court cases and jail time. From now on, everything will be solved by a fight to the death. You steal someone's car....the two of you fight to the death...the winner gets the car. Sure it may be harsh...but I bet it will get people back in the gym. Okay...maybe instead of fighting to the death, we have "Running Man" style justice. Just like in the movie...if you commit a crime you go into a maze where you try to escape the killer guys. Only we won't use killer guys...we will use genetically enhanced, crazy grandmothers. Trust me...one run through a maze with my grandmother chasing a criminal, talking his ear off would turn anyone straight.

4. BE NICE TO EACH OTHER DAY!
- I'm all for being a jerk...but sometimes people make a habit out it. I think if we had one day a week where everyone was nice to each other, the world would be alot more relaxed. So every Monday (Cause that day sucks) will be BE NICE DAY...or Jake Holder Day for short. And guess what...if you aren't nice...you go in the maze with my grandmother! (Oh and special rewards will be given out to those who can be the nicest to my wife. She deserves it).

5. LOWER GAS COSTS!
- Have you filled up your car lately??? To me it's pretty lame when it would be cheaper to have a car that ran on loonies and dollar bills then on gas. So I propose we do just that. from now on gas will be the currency, and money will be used as fuel. Wallets are out...and those backpacks that hold water, or in this case combustable fuel, are in. TAKE THAT BUSH! See, all the world's problems can be solved if you just have a little creativity.

There you have it...if I feel like I might post some more ideas. If I don't, then in the words of Sam Butterschmit..."TO DANG BAD!"

Paul