Sleep Sells, But Whose Buying...
%*@#!&^T!#$@#$)@#$!"&*! UNHIBERNATERS! They're ALWAYS ruining everything! (Oh, and I couldn't decide on what swear word best represented my feelings towards the unhibernaters, so I put in enough symbols for you to fill in the space with pretty much any swear word you can think of).
Okay...first to deal with the problem of the unhibernaters I have devised a revised edition of my Hibernation Theory. The solution: 2 Shifts.
Basically we would be awake for about 9 months and sleep for 3. Shift 1 would be awake from Jan - September 1, then sleep for September - December 31. Shift 2 woud be awake from September - May.
It's not idea...especially for shift 2 and the benefits would be slightly less, but I think it's worth it still.
Or solution 2: MASSIVE SECURITY. Basically everything would be locked down during the hibernation period, and people would be locked into their houses. When the approriate time comes to awaken, the time locks would release.
You know...this could make for an interesting movie.
Okay, problem 2...Sex -vs- Food. First of all, let me just say that I think people would find their sex lives much more rewarding (And likely they would be lengthened in marriages) because of the periods of celebacy during hibernation. Also we could have scientists come up with some equation to calculate the amount of Taco Bell one must consume to outway their desires...it would look something like this:
(flavor + substance) * quantity
------------------------------- = enjoyment
(frequency * duration)/ quality
Hmmm....I'm pretty sure I just crossed some sort of a line.
Oh, I also learned today that snakes only eat about once a month....and can go for about 10 months without eating at all if they need to. Perhaps this can some how be of use in our hibernating process. Maybe we can add snake DNA and become some new hybrid. Hmm, reminds me of GI Joe.
Rainman
posted by Paul @ 9:21 AM
2 Comments:
What's up with the preoccupation with hibernation? And what would we do for employment during those months? Would we be on hibernation-leave? How much would we get paid? Would we be able to maintain health insurance for all those months in case of a strange disturbance? Would people on meds have to be hooked up to IVs?
What about the celebate people? Would they end up messed up altogether?
BTW, hi! How are you?
BTW, I first thought you said the equivalent of unoobernators, however you would spell it if it were indeed a word. and BTW #2, you do know me, so don't ignore your long lost friendy friend!
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