Friday, May 25, 2007

Come on...EVERYBODY does it!

A few months ago, the apartment building which my wife and I live in was purchased by a large corporation. Since this "change of hands" several changes have happened with regard to what is and is not allowed within our building. One of those changes was that satellites were no longer allowed. This was an unfortunate change for us because we had enjoyed Bell Expressvu up to this point...but since we didn't have much of a choice, we switched over to Roger's Digital Cable.

So far I haven't been extremely impressed with our cable, but in Roger's defence we did choose to go with one of the cheaper packages. Unfortunately, the channel selection is pretty minimal...and I find myself watching things that I normally wouldn't bother with.

One of those shows is "MTV Hacked"...which I guess is basically just an MTV type news/talk show thing. Usually this is on during the lunch hour and I use this show as my commercial show during the Price is Right (yes...I watch the Price is Right). Anyway...I say all this to get to what I really wanted to talk about.

Yesterday on the show the two hosts (a male and a female) were discussing some of the breaking news. One of the stories was about the 4 women who were fired from their job for "gossiping" about their boss. Most of you have probably heard about this...but the thing that really caught my attention was that the argument set forth by the female host as to why their actions were okay was that "everyone does it".

First off, in all honesty, I would agree that far too many people DO gossip...and whether it was appropriate to fire someone over it is not for me to decide, but what makes me laugh is how we justify actions based on the status quo. _________ is okay now because everyone does it. And you can fit just about anything in there....gossiping, lying, cheating, etc.

At what point do you limit that argument? When do we finally stop and say..."Hey, society is going downhill...and just because everyone is doing something, doesn't mean it is the right thing to do"...does it?

For instance, we're hearing alot about school shootings many of those happen before some teenager can argue that it's okay because it's what everyone is doing. "Yeah...I shot 14 teenagers...but they picked on me...and that's how the status quo deals with bullies, so it's okay."

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

I Need You Happy, Buy This Camel...

I've never fancied myself a writer...although I often wish I was. (The only things really holding me back are my lack of creativity and poor grammar...of course, I'm pretty sure these are considered pretty important for writers). However,'ve inspired me. Some day I will write a book and it will be titled "I Need You Happy, Buy This Camel".

If I get REALLY ambitious I may even put out a whole Camel series:

"I Need You Happy, Buy This Camel"
"Don't Settle for One Hump When You Could Have Two"
"If You're Thirsty, This Humps for You"
"Duck, Duck, Camel!"
"Purpose Driven Camel"
"Left With Humps"

It'll be the next big thing...coming soon to a store near you...go inside to see inventory.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

To View Inventory...

I was in Lower Sackville this past weekend and saw a sign that had me laughing all weekend.

The sign said, "To View Inventory Enter Building".

Now maybe it's just me...but isn't that kind of a given? I mean if there are people out there that are too dumb to figure out how to "shop" at a store, do you even want them in your building?

Anyway...maybe this sign has actually done wonders for their sales and they will go into business selling these signs to stores all over the country. Soon we will see huge banners outside of Walmart declaring that we should go inside to see their inventory.

Of course at that point we may need other useful signs like:

"To Go Home, Leave Through Doors"

etc. (Feel free to add your own)

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

It's All Fun and Games...Until Marvin the Martian Flips You Off...

Today I was driving to work and noticed that the car ahead of me had a bumper sticker on it comprised of Marvin the Martian flipping the bird. Normally, I probably wouldn't even have noticed this...but since my promise to Chuck, I seem to have a heightened sense for detecting middle fingers. (Again, this may be some form of super power...but if it is, it isn't a real useful one. "Oh, so you can turn invisible, fly and stop bullets with your mind...big whoop! I can tell when little Johnny is giving someone the middle finger 12 blocks away!")

Of course, once I noticed this bumper sticker I had to stay true to my word and get REALLY angry. So, taking Maria's advice, I got REALLY angry and looked for something big to throw. The biggest thing within range seemed to be my the next light, I came to a complete stop...waited for the appropriate time to launch my vehicle of death into the air and onto Marvin, and the huge wuss that I am, I simply drove away.

Did I get really angry? Technically no. Did I throw something big at the guy? Also technically a no. But as I drove casually past his car, I think he got my message.

Hmmm...I just had an idea...I need to find that bumper sticker, and put it on the front of my car. That way if I ever see that guy again, I can give him a taste of his own medicine.

Friday, April 13, 2007

My New Promise...

For Charles' sake I am promising to, from this point on, get REALLY angry if anyone "flips me off". I mean REALLY angry...the kind of angry where your head almost explodes. (I didn't really want to put in the word "almost" but of course if my head DID explode then I'd be dead. Unless of course I had some super power where I could grow a new that guy in the "Men in Black" movies. However, as super powers go...I don't think that's on the top of my list).

Speaking of "the bird", that brings up an funny memory. When I was growing up, my best friend's dad wanted to teach his son that the middle finger didn't inherently mean something bad. In order to accomplish this, he told his son that it meant "Merry Christmas". So whenever he would drive by us, he would give us "the finger", and we would return it back to him and shout "Merry Christmas!" Thinking back on it now, I have to wonder what the neighbors all thought of us when they witness it. Of course, one things for sure...they could be confident that we weren't 12 killer seals armed with rocket launchers.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

New Improved Nyquill...We're Hoping It Doesn't Kill You This Time!

So this past Tuesday morning I began to have that "oh no, I think I'm getting sick" feeling. You know the one I'm talking about. I'm sure the "feelings" are different for everyone, but in my case there are certian things that start to happen...and when they do, I can usually be pretty certain that I am about to take a turn for the worst. Which I did...

By Tuesday evening I was contemplating hiring a hitman to put me out of my misery. In fact, by late evening I had a fever that got so out of control that I actually started to Hallucinate. (Which is something that hasn't happened to me since I was a child). And to make matters worse, we really didn't have any appropriate medicine in the house to counter I just had to suffer through it until Wednesday morning when the stores re-opened.

Yesterday, my loving wife headed off to the pharmacy to pick me up some medicine. The process she went through probably took awhile, especially since the list of symptoms I expressed didn't really match any of those listed on the boxes. ("Hmmm...let's see...this one deals with fever, this one deals with sore throats...excuse me, do any of these deal with 'my whole body feels like it is being stabbed by a savage army of imps'?) Anyway...long story short, she chose DayQuill/NyQuill liguid caps.

First, let me commend the good people over at "Quill" for a terrific product that so far is helping alot. (Please send check or money order for endorsement to...)

However, the real thing I want to highlight here is what I noticed on the bold letters it said "New Formula". Which kinda got me thinking, because I wasn't sure how I felt about it...

For starters, it didn't have the word "Improved" in there am I supposed to be happy about this new formula? I mean maybe the new formula is actually half as effective so that you need to take more of them, which in turn increases sales for the company. If that's the case, then I hate the new formula!

Secondly, it makes me wonder what was wrong with the "old formula"? Especially since I have taken it on occassion. Was there some crazy side effect to it? Like, perhaps it could turn you into a rabbit or worse...kill you? ( death REALLY worse then being turned into a rabbit?)

Finally, it made me a little nervous about what they DIDN'T know about the "new formula". I mean, the old one worked pretty well...but apparently could turn you into a rabbit...but what can the new one do? Which brings me to the main reason for this post...if you see the following:

- A human sized rabbit (hopefully sans fever).
- A leprechaun with a head made out of Lucky Charms.
- 12 Killer seals armed with rocket launchers.
- She-Ra.

...don't be alarmed. It's just me, after the side effects from the "new formula". PLEASE don't shoot me...that will not help me get better.

(On second thought, you probably SHOULD be alarmed if you see 12 Killer Seals armed with rocket launchers...10 or 11 is no cause for panic...but 12...that's scary).

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Lactose Factos...

This morning I forgot to bring milk with me to work for my coffee (I have a coffee maker in my office, and a fridge...but no milk). So I decided I would explore the communal fridge and see if by chance there was any milk in there. I was delighted when I found almost an entire container. The only problem was that the date on the milk said "Jan. 10" which would mean that the jug is about a week past the best before date.

So my question do you tell if that milk is any good??? I'm no expert on this, so I basically did what I've seen other people do:

First I smelled it...unfortunately, in my opinion it smelled like milk, which doesn't smell that great to begin with. So since I had no real baseline of smell to compare this against, this approach was inconclusive.

Next, I looked at it...I wasn't totally sure what to look for...although I did scan for lumps, and luckily there were none. It wasn't black, it didn't have green moldies floating in it, and no my opinion it looked like milk and therefore past that test.

These are the only things I've really seen people try...but I still wasn't convinced this milk was safe. So I decided maybe I needed some more tests. The question was, what would they be??? Then it hit me...these are all based on senses...I used my vision and my sense of maybe I should attempt to use my other senses.

So, next I tried my sense of hearing. Which, for those who know me isn't exactly good to begin with. Anyway, I got my ear in close to the milk and listened for some sign of sourness...I'm not sure what that would sound like...a strange bubbling perhaps? Maybe the sound of milk having a bad attitude (sour...get, bad joke). Unfortunately, once again this test didn't return any incredible results...and to be honest I felt a bit foolish.

Touching seemed to be the next obvious step...but I wasn't keen on ACTUALLY touching the milk. Partially because I didn't want to be covered in milk and partially because I certainly wouldn't want to drink milk that had been all over me. So instead I used a spoon to stir it. Not only did the spoon move safely through it, but when I pulled it back out it looked fine. The milk had not become acidic or anything.

After all these tests, I decided I would just take a chance and use it in my coffee. And it was at this point that I realized I had missed one test...the taste test. Needless to say that this one probably would have saved me...because my coffee tasted HORRIBLE. I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure that milk was bad...