Blog-O-Answers from Dr. Paul

Well, the last post got alot of responses...so here are my responses to those responses:

1. Stephanie writes, "I think Dr. Paul fell asleep in elementary Grammer class--I was not asking you how dumb English is, but declaring its dumbness. Thus you in in error, my dear PhD.Still I must agree, you never know when an Italian girl will attack:-)"

First of all, never suggest that Dr. Paul is error...that is completely absurd and by suggesting it you are just making everyone hate you. Do you really want everyone to hate you??? Secondly, you really do suck at english...I mean "Thus you in in error...", how many "in's" do you need? Having said that, please don't attack me.

2. Stephanie then writes, "Dr. Paul, is my dangerousness the reason why boys are too afraid to ask me out??? Man, if I had only known all along!!! Or perhaps, it's my nose fluting...but I really don't want to give that up!:-("

No, actually it's not your dangerousness at all...it's the fact that you correct people like Dr. Paul.

3. Matthew responded with, "maybe the guys you know just don't have enough aggresive lion protons"

This is the most intelligent guy on earth...(other than myself), he actually get's it. (Also this was just really funny).

4. Charles writes, "When you look at it, hair, laziness, and growling are minute prices to pay for the amazingness Dr. Paul can provide. It worked for me!"

He is one of the best examples of a successful transfusion of lion protons. Just compare him with his brother Rob. Charles is married, successful, living in Australia and many other things while Rob is none of those.

5. Geoff writes, "So let me get this straight - I'm going to be lazier, hairier, and more aggressive?Man, I don't know - I'll never get anything done...maybe we should get together over zebra and discuss alternate treatment options."

This is just the ugly, wimpy protons speaking...

6. Some annoymous person writes, "Is this secure? I'm a little timid to be posting here, it's my first time, but I'm not a first time client. If you remember Dr. Paul I was one of your first patients to recieve, riceive, reiceve....get help. But I've begun to experience some side affects....side affects that have not been mentioned yet. For example, I was on the subway last night when out of nowhere I bit the pregnant chinese woman beside me, right on the arm. And then I started to uncontrolably honk like a gaggle of geese on the subway car. It was just like Rob Schneider.Oh and the other day I noticed a patch of hair growing on my forearm, about the size of a timbit. I just assumed it was normal since I have many of these on my back, but it really disturbed me when it spoke to me. When I showed it to my 'special friend' he/she/it noticed there were gremlins dweling among the hair follicles.I really need some help and some answers. and i struggle with bed wetting"

All of these things you talk about are completely normal...everyone wets the bed....don't worry.

7. Jo writes, "blah, blah, blah....too much to put here, but good stuff"

I am extremely impressed with your knowledge on this subject, clearly you have put alot of study into this field, yet I am afraid some of what you have been taught is slighty off. All people possess agressive protons, which we label "liotons" because they display the attributes most commonly found in the lion. But people also possess the less agressive, more humble and "cuddly" neutrons, which we generally lable "sheutrons".

In most men the liotons out number the sheutrons causing them to be more "manly" and usually somewhat repressive. In women it is the exact opposite. Of course there are exceptions to this which are becoming more prevalent in today's culture do to the introduction of pansies like Dr. Phil. Up to this point we have found it difficult to correct these variations, since even a increase of liotons added to a subject will usually result in an increase of sheutrons, because balance is important. In cases with extreme side effects, it is usually a sign that balance has been lost.

There is however a third atom that is sometimes found, which we have labelled the uglitron or "Rob" for short. These rob's enter into patients, such as Geoff and attact the weaker protons and neutrons causing low self esteem, jewish tendencies, and bad luck. In order to battle these we inject, as mentioned in the previous post, liotons into the patient to battle back against the robs.

However, in a case where a person is more Sheutron dominated, the prodcedure would be similar, but the result silghtly different. We would inject liotons to kill of the robs, which would thus cause an imbalance in the patient forcing the Sheutrons to increase on their own to level this out. unfortunately the initial imbalance can cause several days of discomfort and strange side effects such as increased manliness and desire to be apart of manly activities such as tractor pulls and bbq's. This will fade though, so fear not.

I hope that calms your nerves some. Balance is important and we need just as many sheutron dominated individuals out there as liotons.

8. Stephanie writes, "can you get arthritis when you're 22? Friday my elbow hurt, and today my middle finger hurts. I'm serious!"

I assume arthritis can strike at any age, my recommendation to you is to stop flipping people off so much....this should give your elbow and middle finger a rest.

Well...there you have it.

Dr. Paul